If the word ‘bondage’ fills your mind’s eye
with shocking images of leather masks, uncomfortable looking spikes and being
locked away in a dark cellar somewhere in central Europe, you, along with
almost everybody in Hollywood it seems, have probably slightly misunderstood
what bondage actually is.
Bondage is the idea of enjoying sexual
gratification through the act of being restrained. All that other stuff is BDSM
(or Bondage and Discipline with Sadomasochism if you will) and, put simply, the
difference between bondage and BDSM is with bondage, you can enjoy the gain but
without the pain.
For this reason bondage is fast becoming
one of the most popular ways for couples to spice up their sex lives and now
that we’ve helped clear up exactly what it is, let’s take a look at the five
best ways you can begin to explore the naughty side you never even knew you
had.
Take
it Slow
Although bondage is on the lighter side of
risqué, it’s still a step up from what even the British Medical Journal refers
to as ‘vanilla sex’ so we recommend you take it easy at first.
The popularity of bondage toys has skyrocketed over the last
couple of years; the use of a blindfold stops the wearer from seeing what is
happening and cuffs prevent them from moving. This sensory deprivation – which
is of course one of the best and most important aspects of bondage – can be a
little unsettling for newbies.
Taking your time and moving through the
gears not only reassures the restrained partner, it’s also a wonderfully
tantalizing way to tease them to even greater excitement. There’s plenty of
time for wheels, chains and dungeons once you’ve got the basics down to a science.
Trust
your Partner
A typical bondage session consists of two
‘players,’ a top and a bottom.
Tops are the dominant partner, the one who
instigates and takes control of the session; bottoms are submissive and
generally on the receiving end of whatever the top has in mind. Players who
like to swap from top to bottom either mid-session but more usually session by
session, are known as switches.
Whether you’re a top, a bottom or a switch,
being able to fully trust your partner at all times is paramount to successful
bondage for the simple reason that this person is either going to tie you up,
or let you tie them up, so playing with someone you know won’t bend the rules
half-way through will help you to relax and enjoy the game all the more.
Plan
B
Those of us who’ve seen Eurotrip – or indeed any other
misleading bondage offerings that grace our screens from time to time – will be
familiar with the idea of a safe word but, due to the lighter nature of bondage
this probably isn’t necessary, unless you really want to err on the side of
caution, which is absolutely never a bad idea.
Whether you decide to use a safe word or
not, things such as spare keys are an important part of your back-up plan, as
nobody wants to have to call a locksmith to explain why they’re chained
half-naked to the bed post.
Remember
it’s a Game
If you’re having a go at bondage you’re
presumably looking to have a little fun exploring something that you haven’t
tried before and it’s important to remember that, as with all the good stuff
that goes on in the bedroom, the top priority should be exactly that; having
fun.
Staying relaxed, going with the flow, being
respectful to your partner and being prepared for the fact that everything
might not go exactly according to plan will increase your chances of a
successful introduction to the kinky club, adding an exciting edge to your sex
life that will always keep your lover guessing.